I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
