ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
