exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
