Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
