I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
