I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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