loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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