I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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