forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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