Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just gift wrapped bread.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
