Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
