I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Dicks are not precious.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
