I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i love accidental penises.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
