i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
