Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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