I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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