I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
