Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
should my penis look like a turkey
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize