Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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