my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
