dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
