I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
