He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
