Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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