A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
