I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
