I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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