Say something about gay babies.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
