Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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