The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
he quoted the bible to break up with me
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
