I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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