You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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