my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
