I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
