Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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