Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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