Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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