I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
