This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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