i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i would punch a child for taco bell
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
