it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
