So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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