I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
