i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
mondays should just be called national damage control day
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
