At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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