I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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