I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
