You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
