This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
