Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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