I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
