I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
