don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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