i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
