We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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