if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Randomize
