five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
