I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
