just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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