she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Your cock deserves a montage
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
