you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize