i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
