Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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