Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
