Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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