Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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