Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
