Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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