I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Randomize
