Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
