Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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