took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
