no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
