I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
