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Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
