Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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