She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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