Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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