Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
