I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
