You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
