Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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