The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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