so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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