Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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