so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
