Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
