i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
