I wish I could punch you in the face.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
