I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Boobs speak an international language.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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