Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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