omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Randomize
