Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize