Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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