I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
This house was built for laser tag.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
