so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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