Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
