sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
