so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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