Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
