We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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