I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
