I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize